New Weapons, New Smell, New Results
by The Button Harlequin
Summary: Allen is attacked on his way back to the Order by the Earl, who uses a new weapon on him as a test. The result? All the ladies run away, and all men are after him! Including his fellow exrocists. Will one of them get the sought after prize of a night with the young Moyashi? Two chapters because the first is innocent Allen and the second is a not-so-innocent Allen.
1. Innocent Allen

New Weapon, New Smell, New Results

Allen felt miserable. Not only had his new mission gone bust, but the after affects were absolutely horrible.

(Hello, I'm the narrator. Person number three. You're probably wondering why Allen is miserable, and how the mission did not go as plan. Let's review.)

1. Allen went to a town 223 miles away from the Black Order's HQ where akuma were supposedly running amok. To get there, the only way is by caravan part way, and then by foot the rest of the way.

2. The whole time Allen was on foot, it was raining. Hard.

he got there, Allen did not see any akuma running amok. There was not any akuma at all, and was called an idiot for believing so. Many times.

Allen was returning back on foot it was still raining. Harder.

found out that there really was an akuma when he fell in the mud. Along with that akuma were six others and the Millenium Earl.

6. After the usuall taunting/greeting, Allen and the Earl got down to fighting like the great foes they are (well in all fairness, Allen fought with the akuma and the Earl watched from afar, sitting on a rock provided by the mountainous terrain).

7. After fighting the akuma, the Earl summoned more, and more, and then some more. Just for the heck of it. It is after several cycles of this "fight and repeat" that I will now give details over.

Sweat, rain, mud, and blood all mingled together on Allen's body and clothes. His coat seemed to small for the great intakes of breaths that he needed, along with the rest that he craved. But he wouldn't give into the weakness in front of the Earl. He had to show him that he was stronger than anything the Earl could throw at him. And, he would prove it.

"Ho ho ho! Allen have you gotten stronger from the last time we saw each other? Really now, and I made all thos akuma just to kill you~!" The Earl mocked.

"I will always get stronger Earl!" Allen shouted with a cold determination, "When the time comes I will be stronger than you ever expected! Why are you even here?"

"Hee hee hee! Impatient aren't we? Rero," the Earl turned to his umbrella, "do you think that Allen should try 'that' one?"

"Oh yesh shir, rero! 'That' one would be perfect for him, rero," the pumpkin on top of the umbrella said, "He'd be the perfect guinea pig for it, rero! He'sh, after all, the one it wash made for, rero."

"You prove my point all the more, dear Rero! So now, I leave you with this present, Allen Walker!" The Earl began to dig through his pockets. After a moment, he muttered, "If I can find it."

"What are you doing, Earl?" Allen asked with exasperation, "If you're going to try to kill me, can we make it soon? I need to catch my caravan before they leave me, and I'm sick of this rain." As if to give him a break, the rain stopped pouring nearly instanteaneously.

Before Allen could leap for joy, the Millenium Earl suddenly cried out, "I FOUND IT!"

Allen kicked into gear his anti-akuma weapon and readied for battle. "Give me what you got, Earl!"

The Earl held up an innocent looking glass sphere the size of a baseball that was filled with a dark red liquid. "Meet the demise of your life, Allen Walker!" Quicker than the eye could follow, the Earl threw down the sphere the same time he jumped up in the air, using Rero to keep himself afloat. The sphere smashed at Allen's feet, the glass shards slicing through his coat and across his skin. A great red cloud erupted from the red liquid held inside, encasing Allen in it like some gaseous cocoon.

Allen cried out in surprise, waving his arms around in a futile attempt to remove the cloud. "Have fun with the new toys that I've given you, exrocist!" the Earl shouted tauntingly, "You'll thank me for this later!" And with a pop worthy of Willy Wonka, the Millenium Earl and Rero the umbrella disappeard, leaving the inconvienienced exrocist to flap his arms like a bird to try to dispel the smell.

After a while, the cloud disappeard on its own (with the help of the waving of the arms or not is unclear) and Allen collapsed to his knees, panting for the air that would not come fast enough to his deprived lungs. "That...stupid...Earl," he gasped, "What...did...he...do?" Just then, Allen heard the light flapping of a certain golden golem. Timcanpy fluttered out from behind a rock, landing himself in Allen's hair, and then pushing it around to make some sort of makeshift nest. "What do you think that was supposed to do, Tim?" Allen asked the golem in his hair after a moment, "I feel fine. Although, I do smell a little funny. Sigh...Oh well, better get back to the caravan before they decide to leave us. At least it stopped raining." A bellow of thunder and a zigzag of lightning later, as if just to spite Allen, the rain started again. Harder than ever before.

(We now come back to the list to cut out all the boring details.

9. Allen walked all the way back to the caravan in rain, where they were just about to leave him. The all women caravan then avoided him like the plague, explaining that they couldn't handel the smell. He ended up having one-sided conversations with Timcanpy the rest of the time.

10. The entire train ride back to the Black Order's HQ was filled with women going out of their was to stay out of smell range and men coming a little too familiar with him than he would have liked. At least Timcanpy was there to keep the pedophiles and molesters away. He had more close calls than usuall trying to avoid them.

(We are now back to real time.)

That was why Allen was miserable, tired, and currently trudging his feet to stand in front of a giant stone face that looked like it had a constant stick up its ass. "Good evening, Gate Keeper," Allen tried to say cheerfully, although it came out more tired than he wanted it to. "May I come in?"

The Gate Keeper sniffed. "Well if it isn't the cursed little punk? What are you doing here?"

The exrocist stiffened. "Well, I'd like to come home, if you don't mind," his voice politely strained.

"HA!" the Gate Keeper bellowed, "Why would I let you in? I still have hives from when you touched me, little cheeky brat! Not to mention I'm under strict orders not to let you in. By whom, you ask? By me! I-" the Gate Keeper halted his ramble. His stone nose twitched. He took in a deep breath of air that looked like it could suck up anything within ten feet of it and exhaled with a sigh that blew back anything with twenty feet. I.E. Allen.

"What is that wonderous oder?" The Gate Keeper voiced, "It's absolutely fasinating! Like the sweetest of flowers drifting upon the wind to land in my nostrils! What a glorious smell!"

Allen picked himself up and brushed off his coat, giving a funny look to the Gate Keeper. "Is there something that smells good, Gate Keeper?"

"I daresay so. This melodious scent is like nothing I've ever smelt before. I-strike me dead where I stand if I'm wrong-I think it's coming from you!" he announced, "Now tell me Allen, what kind of colonge did you buy that smells so absolutely astounding? It's sure to attract the ladies. You sly dog, what are you wearing! I beg of you, tell me!"

Allen blinked, wondering what the hell was going on. "Erm, sweat, blood, and mud," he answered truthfully. The confusing things just don't stop, he thought with a slight frown.

The Gate Keeper's brow furrowed in confusion, then his entire face lit up in enlightenment. "Oh, that's why you won't tell me." He gave the exrocist a sly, knowing looking to the clueless teen, "You want to keep it to yourself to attract the ladies better." Allen opened his mouth to deny that, but the Gate Keeper would have none of it. "No no! I know exactly what it is, and it is that! I honestly don't blame you, with those looks, and you need every advantage over your competitors you can get. So go on in, and knock 'em dead, Casanova!" The Gate Keeper winked and let one of the gate's rise up to admit the confused teenage exrocist.

Although Allen went through without complaint, the ridiculousness of the conversation caught up with him. "What do you think he ment when he asked about my smell, Timcanpy?" the white haired asked the golem on his head. Strangely, the golden golem hadn't moved much from his head since he was hit by the cloud of red. "I mean, I don't smell any different. Well, maybe my scent is a little sharper, I think, But I think that that's because I haven't taken a proper bath since before I left. Or," the painfully obvious realization hit him, "it's because of the new weapon that the Earl threw at me! That must be it! But why make me smell nice?" His monolouge to Timcanpy was interrupted by a cheerfull greeting.

"Welcome home, Allen!" The sight of the girl in the miniskirt and long pigtails was enough to lift the spirits of the confused white haired exrocist.

"Thank you, Lenalee!" he said happily, "It's great to be back! Lenalee?" He noticed that the female exrocist was several yards away pinching her nose and screwing up her oh so pretty face. "Lenalee? Is something the matter?"

"Brother wants to see you in the labs right away," she managed to nasal out before running away as fast as she could in the direction away from Allen.

To make the people you want to like you run away from you, Allen thought with a twitch to his slipping smile, that's cruel, even for you Earl. Sighing heavily, Allen thumped one foot in front of the other and kept on walking, just like Mana said. A minute or two later, on his way to the Science Department, the teenage exrocist was tackled into a hug by Lavi. The red headed exrocist was smiling behind his eyepatch like usual, only more clingy than so.

"Allen~," Lavi sang, "you smell really~ good~! What kind of colonge are you wearing, bean sprout? It smells so yummy~!"

"L-Lavi," Allen sputtered in his grasp, "What's gotten into you? Let go of me please!"

"But I don't wanna~," he whined, and clung onto the bean sprout tighter, "You smell too amazing and delicious to just be let off the hook! I know," he said with an evil grin, "how about you and me go to my room and play strip poker without the poker? Then I can lick you up and down without any interruption. What do you say, bean sprout? I'll eat you whole, your head first." If Lavi didn't know better, his white haired bean sprout might have turned to stone in his arms with a surprised and confused look on his face.

"Why in the world would you want to do that?" Allen managed to choke out. "I hope you're not turning cannibalistic, Lavi. You should tell someone about your urges before you eat someone!"

Lavi blinked. Could Allen really be this innocent, he thought. Then, he smirked when an idea struck him. "But I can't help it Allen," he moaned in fake distress, "I can't control anything anymore! But I know! Why don't you and I go to my room for the privacy and then I'll tell you all about my cannibalistic urges! You and me can make up a plan to stop the urges before I really do eat someone. Does that sound good, bean sprout?" Like a fisherman fishing in a barrel, he had Allen hooked.

"That's a great idea Lavi!" he said innocently, "That way you're not embarrassed by the urges and I can help you in secret! excellent idea! Let's go right after I turn Timcanpy into Komui. Come with me so you don't accidentally eat anyone on the way."

"Of course I'll go with you Allen! Let's go as fast as possible so that I can get everything off my chest!" And maybe you on it, he thought as an afterthought, the daydream of Allen nearly making him drool.

"You are going no where, kid," a gruff old voice behind him said sternly. Out of no whrere, a short old man with eye make-up that made him look like a panda bear jump kicked Lavi in the head. Lavi was sent spinning into a wall and then was grabbed by the ear by Bookman, the karate panda. "What do you think that you are doing, Lavi? Allen is fifteen, you could go to jail! Besides, I'm always telling you to not get involved into their cicumstances!"

"No no, it's all right Bookman!" Allen was slightly worried about that droop to Lavi's head, but more so for his mind. Maybe Bookman knows what to do, he thought with a stroke of genius. "Maybe you can help him, Bookman! You see, Lavi has bad urges, and I'm trying to help him!"

Bookman froze on the spot, his look very similar to Allen's earlier one, only with horror added to the mix. "Lavi has...urges?"

"Yeah! You see, he wanted to talk to me about them and he wanted my help to relieve them, so he and I decided to go to his room to straighten everything out. Maybe you can help him instead of me! I don't want to talk to him all through the night anyway if he's going to talk to me all night."

Somewhere in the world, a cricket was chirping, but then stopped and laughed at what was being misinterpreated.

"You want me to help him with his...urges?" Bookman was still frozen solid, like he couldn't believe what was being said.

"Yeah!" Allen smiled in relief, thinking that Bookman understood him. Bookman did not understand AT ALL. "You see, cannibalism is a problem, so I'm glad I can count on you Bookman. He said he was going to eat me whole, head first!"

Bookman unfroze, looking at Allen instead like he was a child. "You think that Lavi is cannibalistic? That's exactly what he said?"

"Not exactly," the teenage exrocist confessed, "but I got that from the fact that he said that he wanted to eat me. Not to mention he wanted me naked, so that was no doubt just to make it easier to roast me I bet!" Sometime during Bookman and Allen's conversation, Lavi woke up in speechless horror at what was going on.

The flames of Bookman's rage seemed to be tangible as he slowly turned to Lavi. "Not only did you pick someone this young, but this innocent?"

Lavi whitened and sweat began to bead on his forehead. "But panda, he smells so good," he tried to defend. Bookman the panda was having none of it.

"That doesn't matter!" He barked into the ear that he was holding (belonging to Lavi). "Now let me go teach you about how we control ourselves brat. It's going to be a very painful martial arts lesson indeed. Excuse us Allen." Bookman took two steps with Lavi in tow before turning back to a very perplexed white haired exrocist. "By the way, nice colonge Allen."

Allen watched in mild confusion at the beggin Lavi being dragged by his ear by Bookman. That was so weird, Allen thought with a small frown, I hope that Bookman teaches Lavi that cannibalism is wrong. Thinking nothing else of it, Allen then continued on his way to the Science Departmant.

Once there, he immediately caught sight of the chief of the Science Department, Komui and the section leader Reever. "Good evening Komui, Reever," he said with a smile.

Reever looked up at Allen from the paper he was forcing Komui to sign. "Oh, welcome home Allen!"

Komui perked up at the chance to take a break from work. "Yes, welcome home Allen! Now, did you get rid of the akuma at the mountain town?"

"Yes, but the town wasn't the one that was infested with akuma," the exrocist admitted, "It was the mountain itself that was having the akuma problem, with the Millenium Earl to boot too!"

"Well, that can't be helped," Reever said with a shrug, "You do what the higher-ups tell you to do."

"I hate how you say that and that you're right," Komui started, only to stiffen and stop. Behind his glasses, the berrett wearing Science Chief sat up and sniffed. "What is that amazing smell?"

Oh no, not again, Allen thought with worry.

Reever, too, sniffed the air. "Yeah, I smell it too. Allen, did you get any new colonge while you were away? It smells wonderful."

"It does, doesn't it," Komui agreed, "What brand are you wearing Allen? It smells extraordinary." Komui's face lit up like a neon sign with a happy thought, "If I wore it, it would make Lenalee so happy! Why she may even give me, her big brother, a big kiss if she likes it enough! Allen, I demand, with all the science department backing me up, that you tell me what brand of colonge you are wearing!"

Really big oh no, the teenager in question thought nervously, what am I suppose to tell them? Out of the corner of his eye, Allen saw a tall, pissed off looking, ponytail wearing, Japanese exorcist that looked liked he was about to use his sword, Mugen, to cut them down. "Look, it's Kanda!" Never in his life would Allen think that Kanda was his savior, but this was about as close as it was going to get for him.

As Kanda approached closer to the three and the stacks on stacks of papers, Reever snapped out of his dream like state of nose bliss. "Welcome back Kanda," he said, "Any luck getting the Innocence? Chief, say hi to him."

"Hm? Oh, yes, yes welcome home and all that jazz Kanda," Komui said with a nonchalant wave of his hand, "Did you get the Innocence?"

Kanda looked about ready to hurl a book at Komui's head. "Che, no. The place you sent me to had no Innocence at all. It was a big waste of my time. Send me to someplace that has an Innocence next time, idiot Science Chief!" He turned to Allen with that special pissed off glare that he reserves especially for him. "Bean sprout," he greeted dangerously even.

"Kanda," Allen said in the same tone.

"Good thing that you're here," Reever said, "Now we can take your name and Allen's off the check lists. Go rest up for tomorrow, the both of you. You both have missons, so rest well, and don't do anything rowdy."

"Ok, thanks Reever," Allen said quickly, seeing his chance for escape. He pulled Timcanpy off of his head and into Komui's hands, run/walking all the way to the staircase that led to the corridor that went by the housing block. Allen relaxed with a sigh, and stolled up the staircase, determined to take a bath and remove whatever smell that got people to act so weird. Halfway up the staircase, he felt a firm grip on his arm halting his progress. He looked behind him in surprise. "Kanda? What is it?"

"I need to tell you something important," the dark haired man said, and began dragging him up the staircase fast, "And it's a secret, I don't want anyone to know. I'll tell you in my room."

"O-ok," the teenager stammered, wondering what Kanda could tell him that was so important. It must be really important if we're going to his room, he's always so paranoid about who goes in and out of it, he thought. Now that he looked back on it though, there was something not quite right with Kanda today. That look he gave him on the stairwell was odd to say the least, like a mixture of intense self-control and overwhelming hunger. No, something was not right about Kanda today at all.

A minute later, they were both at Kanda's bedroom door. To the side was a little tatami mat where Kanda tore off his boots and socks and left them on the mat. Knowing that that is the Japanese tradition, Allen did the same in haste. Kanda then shoved Allen in the room and he too slipped into the room, locking the door behind him. The younger white haired exrocist was a little panicked by that, and wasn't reassured when Kanda said, "Just a precaution, so that no one will hear us."

Willing to give anyone the benefit of the doubt (except his master) Allen cleared his throat and looked at Kanda, who was throwing off his coat, "What is so important that we need privacy to speak, Kanda?"

"You take off your coat too," Kanda offered, which sounded like an order to Allen's ears, but assumed that that was just how Kanda sounded when he offered someone a courtesy. He took off his coat and put it on the coat peg with Kanda's. When he turned to look back, he jumped when Kanda was suddenly only inches away, his eyes locked the other's.

Allen's silver and Kanda's blue were unwavering in their connectivety, even as Kanda said, "There's something different about you today Allen Walker."

"I-I know, everyone keeps saying that," his tongue tripped over his words, "Wh-What do you n-need, K-Kanda?"

"I don't need anything," Kanda said, his hot breath slowly coming closer to Allen's face, "But I want something. No, I guess you're right-I need something. I need you Allen Walker. Give yourself to me for one night, this night Allen Walker."

Allen may have been innocent, but he wasn't stupid when it was something so direct. "Wh-What? I-I don't think I can do that. It's not right."

"One night. That's all I ask of you. Don't turn me down because you're frightened."

"I'm very frightend. I don't to do that."

Kanda took a step back, looking Allen up and down, admiring his handy work. "I don't think you have much say in the matter."

Allen looked down in absolute, humiliating horror. Kanda had taken the liberty of relieving Allen of all of his clothes while their eyes were locked. Even his underpants, the monster!

Kanda seized the instant, shoving Allen onto the bed, pulling off his own clothes while rushing. As Allen tried to dash away, Kanda pushed him back down, holding the teenager's hands above his head while he lay on the bed, Kanda on top of Allen, who was trying to squirm his way from underneathe the bigger man.

"See?" Kanda said smugly, "You didn't have much say," and went to work.

Road Camelot was walking past Tykki Mikk and the Millenium Earl watching something in a magic mirror facing away from her when she heard Tykki whistle. "That guy is just merciless. He was still a virgin and he just barely prepared him enough so that he wouldn't damage him. Poor, kid."

"Hey what are you guys watching?" Road asked, and leaned over to see. The two men were so engrossed in watching they didn't care enough to stop her. Road's eyes widened at the sight they were watching. "Is THAT what the new secret weapon does?"

The Millenium Earl nodded, "Yup, exactly that, although we've never had this kind of result before, on the other test subjects."

"You both are a couple of perverts," Road announced, sliding inbetween Tykki and the Earl on the couch, "But I guess I am one too," and she settled down to watch the show.

This is my first fanfiction that I ever wrote, on paper or in my head. I just thought that it was fitting to have it be the first on the web too. I love reviews and would adore the chance to have my work critiqued by anyone, to better myself as a writer.

On another note, I don't own D. Gray-man or the plot would be done already. Really Katsura Hoshino, just finish the damn thing already! Yeesh. The suspense is going to kill me one of these days. 


	2. Not So Innocent Allen

Although Allen went through the Gate Keeper's raised gate without complaint, the ridiculousness of the conversation caught up with him. "What do you think he ment when he asked about my smell, Timcanpy?" the white haired asked the golem on his head. Strangely, the golden golem hadn't moved much from his head since he was hit by the cloud of red. "I mean, I don't smell any different. Well, maybe my scent is a little sharper, I think, But I think that that's because I haven't taken a proper bath since before I left. Or," the painfully obvious realization hit him, "it's because of the new weapon that the Earl threw at me! That must be it! But why make me smell nice? Then again, it's only been attracting guys, while women keep running away. Maybe it only makes me smell nice to guys and bad to girls. I need to amke sure some how. " His monolouge to Timcanpy was interrupted by a cheerfull greeting.

"Welcome home, Allen!" The sight of the girl in the miniskirt and long pigtails was enough to lift the spirits of the confused white haired exrocist.

"Thank you, Lenalee!" he said happily, "It's great to be back! Lenalee?" He noticed that the female exrocist was several yards away pinching her nose and screwing up her oh so pretty face. "Lenalee? Is something the matter?" Though he said this, Allen's suspicions were confirmed when she shook her head.

"Brother wants to see you in the labs right away," she managed to nasal out before running away as fast as she could in the direction away from Allen.

'To make the people you want to like you run away from you', Allen thought with a twitch to his slipping smile, 'that's cruel, even for you Earl. Then again, I could use this to my advantage.' A wicked smile adorned Allen's face. 'Ooh, this is going to be fun. I wonder if I can get anybody to lose their dignity to me. Who could I get to give my a good night? Hm, I should start thinking about this.'

ALLEN'S LIST OF POTENTIAL VICTIMS

1. Lenelee - couldn't stand the smell

2. Jerry - to flamboyant for his style, although can cook better than anybody else in the world

3. Reever - to overworked and would be too tired for Allen's special treatment

4. Komui - too creepy

5. Bookman - ew

6. Lavi - hm, some good potential there. He should put Lavi on the list for -HELL YEAH!- not bad looking either (although he'd probably agree without the new smell anyway. That took some of the fun out, but Lavi would still most likely put up a moral fight)

7. Krory - away sulking probably, plus too downcast. Not too mention the fangs would hurt if he decided to get rough

8. Kanda - the prospect to get the pony tailed samurai's dignity was just to good to pass up, but he'd wait for the right moment to get him

'Oh, this is just too good,' he thought with devilish ease, 'Kanda and Lavi, my two for the night. Let's see which one can give me a good show.' A minute or two later, on his way to the Science Department, the teenage exrocist was tackled into a hug by Lavi. The red headed exrocist was smiling behind his eyepatch like usual, only more clingy than so.

"Allen~," Lavi sang, "you smell really~ good~! What kind of colonge are you wearing, bean sprout? It smells so yummy~!"

"L-Lavi," Allen sputtered in his grasp, "What's gotten into you? Let go of me please!" Then a though hit him. 'This is my chance! I just have to make it look like I'm not complient to not seem suspicous.'

"But I don't wanna~," Lavi whined, and clung onto the bean sprout tighter, "You smell too amazing and delicious to just be let off the hook! I know," he said with an evil grin, "how about you and me go to my room and play strip poker without the poker? Then I can lick you up and down without any interruption. What do you say, bean sprout? I'll eat you whole, your head first." If Lavi didn't know better, his white haired bean sprout might have turned to stone in his arms with a surprised and confused look on his face. Some may mistake this for a no-way-in-Hell-look, but it was actually the oh-my-God-that-was-fast-look. And also the same look of Allen putting on a farce to keep the innocent act going.

"Why in the world would you want to do that?" Allen managed to choke out rather convinceingly. "I hope you're not turning cannibalistic, Lavi. You should tell someone about your urges before you eat someone!"

Lavi blinked. 'Could Allen really be this innocent', he thought. Then, he smirked when an idea struck him. "But I can't help it Allen," he moaned in fake distress, "I can't control anything anymore! But I know! Why don't you and I go to my room for the privacy and then I'll tell you all about my cannibalistic urges! You and me can make up a plan to stop the urges before I really do eat someone. Does that sound good, bean sprout?" Like a fisherman fishing in a barrel, he thought had Allen hooked.

"That's a great idea Lavi!" he said innocently, "That way you're not embarrassed by the urges and I can help you in secret! excellent idea! Let's go right after I turn Timcanpy into Komui. Come with me so you don't accidentally eat anyone on the way."

'And so you and I can "talk" in private,' he thought with him almost shivering in excitement. 'Lavi's been all over the world longer than I have. He's bound to know more exciteing tricks than I do.'

"Of course I'll go with you Allen! Let's go as fast as possible so that I can get everything off my chest!" And maybe you on it, he thought as an afterthought, the daydream of Allen nearly making him drool. Oh if he only knew.

"You are going no where, kid," a gruff old voice behind him said sternly. Out of no whrere, a short old man with eye make-up that made him look like a panda bear jump kicked Lavi in the head. Lavi was sent spinning into a wall and then was grabbed by the ear by Bookman, the karate panda. "What do you think that you are doing, Lavi? Allen is fifteen, you could go to jail! Besides, I'm always telling you to not get involved into their cicumstances!"

"No no, it's all right Bookman!" Allen was slightly worried about that droop to Lavi's head, but more so for his chance of something fun not goping to happen to him that night. 'Crap, I need to keep up the innocent shtick for a bit longer, and try to keep me out of Bookman's fury', he thought with a stroke of despair. "Maybe you can help him, Bookman! You see, Lavi has bad urges, and I'm trying to help him!"

Bookman froze on the spot, his look very similar to Allen's earlier one, only with horror added to the mix and no underliying motives. "Lavi has...urges?"

"Yeah! You see, he wanted to talk to me about them and he wanted my help to relieve them, so he and I decided to go to his room to straighten everything out. Maybe you can help him instead of me! I don't want to talk to him all through the night anyway if he's going to talk to me all night."

Somewhere in the world, a cricket was chirping, but then stopped and laughed at what was being misinterpreated, but really was the exact truth of the matter. The irony was just too much.

"You want me to help him with his...urges?" Bookman was still frozen solid, like he couldn't believe what was being said.

"Yeah!" Allen smiled in fake relief, hoping that Bookman understood him and would at least leave Allen alone. Bookman did not understand AT ALL. "You see, cannibalism is a problem, so I'm glad I can count on you Bookman. He said he was going to eat me whole, head first!"

Bookman unfroze, looking at Allen instead like he was a child. "You think that Lavi is cannibalistic? That's exactly what he said?"

"Not exactly," the teenage exrocist confessed childly, "but I got that from the fact that he said that he wanted to eat me. Not to mention he wanted me naked, so that was no doubt just to make it easier to roast me I bet!" Sometime during Bookman and Allen's conversation, Lavi woke up in speechless horror at what was going on.

The flames of Bookman's rage seemed to be tangible as he slowly turned to Lavi. "Not only did you pick someone this young, but this innocent?"

'Not as innocent as you might think,' the white haired teen thought.

Lavi whitened and sweat began to bead on his forehead. "But panda, he smells so good," he tried to defend. Bookman the panda was having none of it.

"That doesn't matter!" He barked into the ear that he was holding (belonging to Lavi). "Now let me go teach you about how we control ourselves brat. It's going to be a very painful martial arts lesson indeed. Excuse us Allen." Bookman took two steps with Lavi in tow before turning back to a very perplexed white haired exrocist. "By the way, nice colonge Allen."

Allen watched in mild disappointment at the begging Lavi being dragged by his ear by Bookman. 'Ah, and I was so close too', Allen thought with a small frown, 'I hope that Bookman lets Lavi off easy and early. I still want my fun'. Thinking nothing else of it, Allen then continued on his way to the Science Departmant.

Once there, he immediately caught sight of the chief of the Science Department, Komui and the section leader Reever. "Good evening Komui, Reever," he said with a smile. He didn't have any ultearrior (sp?) motives for either of them.

Reever looked up at Allen from the paper he was forcing Komui to sign. "Oh, welcome home Allen!"

Komui perked up at the chance to take a break from work. "Yes, welcome home Allen! Now, did you get rid of the akuma at the mountain town?"

"Yes, but the town wasn't the one that was infested with akuma," the exrocist admitted, "It was the mountain itself that was having the akuma problem, with the Millenium Earl to boot too!"

"Well, that can't be helped," Reever said with a shrug, "You do what the higher-ups tell you to do."

"I hate how you say that and you're right," Komui started, only to stiffen and stop. Behind his glasses, the berrett wearing Science Chief sat up and sniffed. "What is that amazing smell?"

'No, I don't want you', Allen thought with worry.

Reever, too, sniffed the air. "Yeah, I smell it too. Allen, did you get any new colonge while you were away? It smells wonderful."

"It does, doesn't it," Komui agreed, "What brand are you wearing Allen? It smells extraordinary." Komui's face lit up like a neon sign with a happy thought, "If I wore it, it would make Lenalee so happy! Why she may even give me, her big brother, a big kiss if she likes it enough! Allen, I demand, with all the science department backing me up, that you tell me what brand of colonge you are wearing!"

'Really big oh no', the teenager in question thought nervously, 'What am I suppose to tell them?' Out of the corner of his eye, Allen saw a tall, pissed off looking, ponytail wearing, Japanese exorcist that looked liked he was about to use his sword, Mugen, to cut them down. "Look, it's Kanda!" Never in his life would Allen think that Kanda was his savior, but this was about as close as it was going to get for him.'Mm, good chance to use this gift to good use too.'

As Kanda approached closer to the three and the stacks on stacks of papers, Reever snapped out of his dream like state of nose bliss. "Welcome back Kanda," he said, "Any luck getting the Innocence? Chief, say hi to him."

"Hm? Oh, yes, yes welcome home and all that jazz Kanda," Komui said with a nonchalant wave of his hand, "Did you get the Innocence?"

Kanda looked about ready to hurl a book at Komui's head. "Che, no. The place you sent me to had no Innocence at all. It was a big waste of my time. Send me to someplace that has an Innocence next time, idiot Science Chief!" He turned to Allen with that special pissed off glare that he reserves especially for him. "Bean sprout," he greeted dangerously even.

"Kanda," Allen said in the same tone. 'Maybe I won't go after him, he's probably still a virgin anyway. That damn attitude of his has got to get in the way of any love life that could possibly exist.'

"Good thing that you're here," Reever said, "Now we can take your name and Allen's off the check lists. Go rest up for tomorrow, the both of you. You both have missons, so rest well, and don't do anything rowdy."

"Ok, thanks Reever," Allen said fake innocently, seeing his chance for Kanda to follow. He pulled Timcanpy off of his head and into Komui's hands, run/walking all the way to the staircase that led to the corridor that went by the housing block. Allen waited a moment with a sigh, finally giving up and stolled up the staircase, determined find Lavi and see if he could save his night from being ruined. Halfway up the staircase, he felt a firm grip on his arm halting his progress. He looked behind him in surprise. "Kanda? What is it?" But he knew. 'Too easy,' thought as a mental smirk, but was careful to keep it away from his face.

"I need to tell you something important," the dark haired man said, and began dragging him up the staircase fast, "And it's a secret, I don't want anyone to know. I'll tell you in my room."

"O-ok," the teenager stammered, excitement running electricity through his veins. 'My plan is saved afterall! And to his room too. He must want it really bad, he's always so paranoid about who goes in and out of it,' he thought with a real smirk now. That look he gave him on the stairwell was odd to say the least, like a mixture of intense self-control and overwhelming hunger. Allen could barely keep self control over the prospect of what that look ment.

A minute later, they were both at Kanda's bedroom door. To the side was a little tatami mat where Kanda tore off his boots and socks and left them on the mat. Knowing that that is the Japanese tradition, Allen did the same in haste. Kanda then shoved Allen in the room and he too slipped into the room, locking the door behind him. The younger white haired exrocist was a little panicked by that, and wasn't reassured when Kanda said, "Just a precaution, so that no one will hear us."

'Oh, so at least you know the rules.'

Willing to give anyone the benefit of the doubt (except his master) Allen cleared his throat and looked at Kanda, who was throwing off his coat, "What is so important that we need privacy to speak, Kanda?" Heh, like he didn't already know.

"You take off your coat too," Kanda offered, which sounded like an order to Allen's ears, but assumed that that was just how Kanda sounded when he offered someone a courtesy. He took off his coat and put it on the coat peg with Kanda's. When he turned to look back, he jumped when Kanda was suddenly only inches away, his eyes locked the other's.

'Give a guy some frigging warning next time, you damn ninja samurai person!'

Allen's silver and Kanda's blue were unwavering in their connectivety, even as Kanda said, "There's something different about you today Allen Walker."

"I-I know, everyone keeps saying that," his tongue tripped over his words, it was so hard not to just have his way right now, "Wh-What do you n-need, K-Kanda?"

"I don't need anything," Kanda said, his hot breath slowly coming closer to Allen's face, "But I want something. No, I guess you're right-I need something. I need you Allen Walker. Give yourself to me for one night, this night Allen Walker."

Allen may have been ready for this kind of response but it still made his blood rush. "Wh-What? I-I don't think I can do that. It's not right."

'Yes yes, keep up the innocent act for a while longer, make him really want it.' It was so much fun to tease Kanda like this.

"One night. That's all I ask of you. Don't turn me down because you're frightened."

"I'm very frightend. I don't to do that."

Kanda took a step back, looking Allen up and down, admiring his handy work. "I don't think you have much say in the matter."

Allen looked down in absolute, humiliating horror. Kanda had taken the liberty of relieving Allen of all of his clothes while their eyes were locked. Even his underpants, the monster! And he didn't even to do the little strip show he was planning from the beginning!

Allen finall dropped the innocent act and smiled seductively at the samurai exrocist, cocking one hip and an eyebrow. "You know, if you wanted me naked, all you had to do was ask."

Kanda froze, not expecting this at all. Allen rolled his eyes with a coy smile, and sat on the middle of his prospect's bed, striking a pose he knew would drive him crazy. When at first it didn't work, he guessed Kanda was still suffering from shock, he raised one hand and with a single finger beckoned him to him. That seemed to do the trick. Kanda pounced on top of Allen gracefully, his nose only a fraction of a centimeter away from the younger exrocist's.

"You're full of suprises, aren't you?" he said, and went to work. And boy, did that revise Allen's opinion of Kanda's love life.

Road Camelot was walking past Tykki Mikk and the Millenium Earl watching something in a magic mirror facing away from her when she heard Tykki whistle. "That guy is a maniac. I thought he was an asexual potato or something, but he really knows his stuff. Makes me a little jealous."

"Hey what are you guys watching?" Road asked, and leaned over to see. The two men were so engrossed in watching they didn't care enough to stop her. Road's eyes widened at the sight they were watching. "Is THAT what the new secret weapon does?"

The Millenium Earl nodded, "Yup, exactly that, although we've never had this kind of result before, on the other test subjects. None of them made it so that they enjoyed their punishment, and that bastard Allen Walker really turned it around. At least it makes for some really interesting TV."

"You both are a couple of perverts," Road announced, sliding inbetween Tykki and the Earl on the couch, "But I guess I am one too," and she settled down to watch the show. "Hey, does this have sound?"

OK, so this is "Chapter 2" but in reality it's just the version of Allen being no-so-innocent. Someone (can't remember who) made the comment of Allen being raped, and although I love those tragedy fics, this was supposed to be funny. So, I made this version to keep with another kind of Allen that was stuck in my head. As it turns out, I'm pretty happy with this.

What are your opinions of the new, "Chapter 2" ?

One last thing. I do not in fact own D. Gray-man. But I would REALLY like to. TTwTT


End file.
